:: the disillusion ::

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Location: JW, Singapore

"there is always an imperfection in every perfection..." 我从梦中清醒了。我的心很迷糊, 思绪也很朦胧。眼前的日子,是现实的。在人来人往的这里,我从何去寻找我自己?

Monday, March 16, 2009

my farewell dinner

the team prepare a farewell dinner for me.....at amirah's grill where my old office is. 回到 Bussorah Street 的感觉很不一样。地方没有变。变得是人和事。

我站在275 Beach Road 前, 想到了两年前, 我的第一份工作. 我每天上班的情景, 午饭时去吃饭的地方和放工后的逼近过的小路. 这一点一滴都在我脑海里浮现. 我站在那里愣了很久.......


也是在这里的我认识了 "他". 隔着电脑每天聊着.....聊着...聊出一段情来. 随着我的离去, 我和他的感情也结束了, 可能这是人家所说的冥冥中只有安排吧
I've don't have alot of pictures from Sunday night..but neverthless I would like to say a big thank you to all of them who turn up and all the gifts that i've received. being part of them, is something that I will not regret..... thanks alot....














tea appreciation @ essential brew

I was hanging out with Doris and Jane at Holland V Essential Brews on Saturday evening. We have plan this after our first meet up when Doris just came back from New Zealand and I would say this is our very first official gathering since 3 years back.
我们穿的比平时美一点,放了一点makeup yesterday and we took alot of crazy pictures cause our Doris girl claims that she did not have a single shot of her taking with us. And Doris being Doris....hahaha....she say if there is no 60 photos today she is not gonna let us home. =p. Well 60 photos are not a problem for the trio, as I realise the 3 of us can be quite a cam whore. >.<". In fact we took a total of 108 pictures by just using mostly my camera phone. Lucky i charge it during the day....*phew. The only turn off part is that my memory card is always full so have to do real time transfer to Jane's handphone for some picture. Other than that, the lighting, ambience and the fragance from the 2 pots of tea...the whole combination is really a great chill out place for us.
Doris was sooo excited that she immediately booked this coming Saturday for another session of chill out. this time she say she is going to be prepared with her Apple Mac book do real time upload of photos to FB. Jane and I was like excited over the chill out again and we even discuss what should we bring like usb lah....blah blah. But one thing for sure, I am gonna be very casual next week. The reason, because Doris say dress pretty ma, so i wore my short dress lo. And thanks to my sister who have been there, she told me after that i need to sit on the floor. =.="

to doris & jane: " thanks for the advice pals, i know by arranging the above, you guys just want me to keep myself occupied as times goes on. your advice in a way or another makes me find back my "lost" self. maybe like what you all say, right from the start of the r/s i already lost who i am giving my priority and relying myself too much in this r/s and him. come to think about it, it can be quite tiring sometimes to compromise to the r/s totally. after 3 years, i also realise the 3 of us become closer and i really can sense that we appreciate each other better.

Doris 你长大了, 成熟了。。but you are still that fun and lovely. Jane is still the same, nothing much have change but that is how i like you. You will always listen to me no matter what. What I realise the most after all these happenings is that I miss out putting in much effort in this friendship. He is right, i should not have let any friendship just slip away. I thought I have understand that, but apparently i have not until now - the true meaning of what he has been trying to tell me.

Nice picture to be uploaded only :-

"us"

doris with her sexy roxy postcard



jane with her essential brew postcard

me with my TMC postcard....hahaa



jane & me



me and doris


the white poney tea

the blooming wonder tea....

Friday, March 13, 2009

放了爱,为了爱.....这不是我.. 该怎么生活.
放了爱, 会明白...有种拥有.. 叫做放手......

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

石欣卉 《無能爲力》MV


很好听得一首歌,有一点感伤,有一点无奈。欣卉演绎的角色和现实的我很相似。 歌词很有意义,听了曾让我流泪很多次。可息在百度找不到歌词。没听过的朋友仔细听听吧。

Monday, March 9, 2009

a friend send me an email about life....... find this very meaningful.


"when you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. mistakes are lessons of wisdom. the past cannot be changed. the future is yet in your power."

- huge white -

Sunday, March 8, 2009

CNY pictures...

近来发生了很多事。。心情受了很大的影响。 妈妈说我今年“反太岁” , 2009 牛年对我来说真的不是一个好年。 年年难过年年过。。我们今年在农历年拍了些照片。

family photo.....

random picture with sis in the car.
大人的世界 1

大人的世界 2
that's my mum...很unglam 的样子。

maureen & me

maureen and my sis

妈妈和爸爸

我们。

有一位同事的部落个是我每一次都会去看得。我喜欢他的文笔,和他那有时能触动人心得文章。

他叫“勇翔 ”。 朋友们有空时不妨去看一看。

http://yongxiang01.livejournal.com/

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p/s: 喂 ! juztin, 我不是骗人的。我可是你的忠实读者ok? kekekekeke.....

Saturday, March 7, 2009

我想通了。。。

爱他是没有理由的。 分手了,也不应该给对方压力。

我学这放下了..回到以前的自己....
用了一天了解了自己. 也想通了一些事.

爱不是占有, 爱也不能施舍.
如果放下能让彼此幸福, 快乐.....放下为何不是一种解脱?

放开了心,想想自己所领悟得会让自己开心一点。

我相信 “缘分”。 所以我只能用“等”这个字来形容我的心情。
我的“等” 只是一个很general 得 feeling.
不期待, 也没有希望。
只能用 “等待缘分”这四个字来形容吧。

往后的日子还很长。。没有人能预测未来, 也没有人能知道下一步会则麽样。
我相信“人定胜天”。 命运是掌握在自己手里。

人的 - 喜,怒,唉,乐。
要快乐,伤心,生气, 纪恨,内疚。。。都是靠自己。
人不可能一切完美。 应为人总就会犯错。
我犯的错,我明白了,了解了。

希望明天会更好吧~

Friday, March 6, 2009

love never fails

love is long suffering yet kind.
love is not jealous.
it does not need to be brag, it does not need to get puffed up.
somthing that does not behave indecently, doesnot look for its own interest.

it does not keep acount of the injury.
it does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.

it bears all things, believes all things.
Hope all things, endures all things............

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

朋友们,谢谢你们的鼓励和支持。
i am still trying to recover....trying very hard to do so.
at times i still fall hard everytime i thought about it.

the thought is hard to get away. the pain is still triggering when i am alone. i sit down alone at times and reflect the wrong. looking at mistake i should not have make. but no matter what, it is already to a point of no return. 人变了心。。就永远都无法挽回了。

i am not even hoping or waiting. i am not even hoping for a miracle. i know miracle do not happen to everyone. i just want to move on naturally.......slowly.......

Sunday, March 1, 2009

i was almost drunk.....

"借酒消愁" 这成语用在我身上是最适当不过的。
刚才和evie & trina 到esplanade 那里喝酒。
原本说好我和evie 一起喝, 因为trina 明早还有video duties during her church service that needs to be fulfilled.
可是, 我把evie 得酒也喝完了.

好久都没有这种“喝醉酒后那种朦胧的感觉。”
我的心是漂浮着的. 到现在我在"blog" 我也不知道我"blog" 设么.
我的心在那时埋没了酒精的效应。
不知不觉我的认真的变得很"high" .

我利用了我的勇气. 边哭, 边对他们两说了很多很多很多.
我和"他" 去过的地方, 做过的事 和"他" 的回忆........
眼泪落下了. 心也更痛了. 在酒精的吹化下伤痛更加的难以叫人符合.

我放下了坚强.....陶开我的心承认了 "我还爱着他....."

this morning, Rai told me about a theory he learn about "conditioning & de-conditioning". he also told me the power of how a human mind can manifest his/her mood and imaginary condition to how he thinks he will want it. I listen well, and understand where he is coming from. I believe there is this one day i will just "de-condition" my self naturally. i know myself well enough. I can de-condition the emotional part away soon...but the mental condition of this RS i am in now, i will never have an answer to when will this "just die off....."

my mind now is in a state of weakness and feeling groggy now....other than sadness is still sadness. i don't even know what i am typing...maybe it is just how i feel now. my head hurts !

What happens, happens for a reason. but am i patience enough to see whatever it is in front of me? will i ever walk out of this "cave" when i am even blinded?