i was almost drunk.....

"借酒消愁" 这成语用在我身上是最适当不过的。
刚才和evie & trina 到esplanade 那里喝酒。
原本说好我和evie 一起喝， 因为trina 明早还有video duties during her church service that needs to be fulfilled.
可是, 我把evie 得酒也喝完了.

好久都没有这种“喝醉酒后那种朦胧的感觉。”
我的心是漂浮着的. 到现在我在"blog" 我也不知道我"blog" 设么.
我的心在那时埋没了酒精的效应。
不知不觉我的认真的变得很"high" .

我利用了我的勇气. 边哭, 边对他们两说了很多很多很多.
我和"他" 去过的地方, 做过的事 和"他" 的回忆........
眼泪落下了. 心也更痛了. 在酒精的吹化下伤痛更加的难以叫人符合.

我放下了坚强.....陶开我的心承认了 "我还爱着他....."

this morning, Rai told me about a theory he learn about "conditioning & de-conditioning". he also told me the power of how a human mind can manifest his/her mood and imaginary condition to how he thinks he will want it. I listen well, and understand where he is coming from. I believe there is this one day i will just "de-condition" my self naturally. i know myself well enough. I can de-condition the emotional part away soon...but the mental condition of this RS i am in now, i will never have an answer to when will this "just die off....."

my mind now is in a state of weakness and feeling groggy now....other than sadness is still sadness. i don't even know what i am typing...maybe it is just how i feel now. my head hurts !

What happens, happens for a reason. but am i patience enough to see whatever it is in front of me? will i ever walk out of this "cave" when i am even blinded?