:: the disillusion ::

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Location: JW, Singapore

"there is always an imperfection in every perfection..." 我从梦中清醒了。我的心很迷糊, 思绪也很朦胧。眼前的日子,是现实的。在人来人往的这里,我从何去寻找我自己?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

everything makes sense when the sense is understood and accepted.
it is never easy to come into acceptance when it comes to making decision with alot of opinion. you can't force people to accept your idea, neither do I want to accept other people's idea if i don't find them making much sense according to mine point.

so where should a compromising point be sets in? how to define a win-win situation?

is it by reasoning and you are force to accept it unwilling?
OR
by laying the facts on the table and "suggest" others to look at matter openly?

dear told me i am not an "ad hoc project" worker. I am more of a "dateline worker" . To define it, that means i am someone who love working with a dateline, not someone who can easily adapt to drastic changes. To a certain extend it is very true of what he says. But for the "drastic changes" part i am not too sure if i would agree with him. My reason is because: " I believe no one in this world would LOVE accepting last min drastic changes and wanting such changes to be done on a fucking last min basis. And find doing them exciting !" Ridiculous lo ~

point noted, the above is only one of the issue why am i feeling so upset these few days. it also extend to my another concern. "What is the right thing to worry about at that point of time?"

if the problem have a "domino effect" (meaning this problem will lead on to more problems) am i suppose to settle the current problem and worry about the "rest" later?

OR

think about the situation on a whole ? think of a solution in every aspect before addressing the problems in an all rounded manner.

Sheesh ! all these problems have been going through my mind. And it is draining me out. maybe i should starting listening to my inner self to what i should do.... perhaps i could find a solution to all these....

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

我很在意别人对我的看法。
我很在意对自己的要求。
或却是这样所以当面另失败时会特别沮丧。

一直以来我对自己没把握的事情或决定都很没信心。
在乎的是别人的异样眼光,别人的闲言闲语。
想到这些我都会盟摇头,然后安然的低调推朔回人群里。
真的很恨自己“想太多” 得毛病。

最近心情遭透了。。
To me the system now is not working well.
我的感觉是:我被剥夺了我以往所拥有的“权力”。
我不敢心,但我又不能做些设么。
我认输了,我是真的没有人家所谓的"leadership" qualities.

有些解脱不一定是件坏事, 但解脱当而我觉得我也失却了些东西。
“权力”只是一部分。
但我相信从这几天的接促让我觉得他对我的“信心”和我的 “办事能力” 不可否认是有质疑的。
我达不到他的要求, 是不是代表 it's the end for me? Is everything he say just a smoke to paint the whole idea into a nicer picture?

I am sooo LOST !~~~

People who read this, if you get it means you get it...if you don't get it, it's alright...just something that is in my heart that I would wish to voice out but it seems almost impossible to do so everyday now.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

it's been quite a while since i last update my blog.

alot of emotions and alot of stress from work as well as my own private life for the past few weeks. all these emotions dampen my mood to everything including blogging and mapling. (i haven't been mapling for the past 2 weeks le, if you were to know.)

everyday to me, i come back home, i will just shower, and head to the living room for my " zoning" session till late night. for someone like me who never like watching late channel 5 & 8 TV series suddenly felt that those are my best companion after my shower and while waiting for my hair to dry a little before i dive into bed.

that's my life.......its very obivous i am not oriented and everyday to me is like "anything"....."whatever".

but i told myself i can't be going on like this for too long. maybe i am just tired about how my life is now. maybe i am looking for some changes in my life now....moving on will be the only option...but i have my concern, my worried, my fear as well.

besides the above, today i finally PASSED my Final Theory~~~~ !!! weee.... YES ah i finally PASSED !~ after 2 attempts....i think i am really blessed this time round.... at least it is something to be happy about after all the emo's for the past few weeks. =)

Can starting booking fot TP dates le.........but once again, monetary issue sets in...damn poor......

alot of plans that I want to fulfilled for these few months, but don't know can or not...boss say visual is always better than thinking and talking, so maybe i should try this here....

Things that I would wanna do / accomplish by early next year:-

  • Finish my Chronicles of Narnia novel ( i only stop at chapter 2 !)
  • Finish watching all the anime that wendy have burn for me and load it in my ZEN vision W (temporary confiscated by my dear, due to my FTT)
  • To book my cruise tour
  • To book my chalet for Cheena posse
  • To decide when i should fixed my TP dates (now can not refund back the $$ if dates cancel, so can not any how book )
  • Christmas shopping (sheesh !!!! it's end of the year )

more will be added but for now, that's all.........