eve's inner world part 1

some times I just felt that part of my life sucks~

it has been quite a shitty 2 weeks for me. especially at work, it seems that nothing seems to go on smoothly like what I want it to be. maybe it is just the negative force that i have attracted. i don't know.

human relationship can be quite a tricky issue as we expand. i am starting to feel the tension and the complication now. this kind of expectation has always been there, but maybe i am just not ready to face it, thus I am now having some difficulty handling it. saying and believing is easy, but i have my uncertainty when it comes to putting it into real action.

i hate the feeling of being and feeling negative. i hate the feeling of being loss and helpless. i start to mixed up personal feelings with professionalism at work. people say i am taking things to hard on myself. but i just can't treat things as if it has never happen. it has always been my problem to play emphasis on how other people look at me, but at times i really could not help it.

these few days i have been trying to get myself detached from such situation. talk to dear just now after movie. as usual, his patience & silence to me give me a chance to just wala whatever i want. and i did feel better after my wala-ing to him. in the end he only want me to think of just one sentence. "Are you pushing yourself too hard to try to be what you are?"

frankly speaking, i am lost. tired, confused and stress. a situation to me is no longer a challange to me but it is a pain instead~. i am a human and i do have a limit to embrace such challange, over whelming of it will make me loss confidence in my decision and my ability to think. i am not god !!!!!!!!!!!!

living up to people's expectation is not easy. opportunities don't come by luck all the time. i have it, but i felt that i am lossing it. i really need time to think ...stop her for now....


*feeling: shitty* =.="